Help Cure Liver Cancer
It’s Christmas Eve 2013 and the house is quiet (way too quiet) I don’t hear my sons laughter, and I miss that This was always the night that I could get them to bed by going in the back yard with a red light making up my impression of a reindeer and of course dropping into a deep Santa voice. They’d pop into bed so fast and be so exhausted from the days events and we would see them until the morning. Then their mother would start putting toys together and never have an extra parts lying around.
Trent, Dad, Trevor pre-nibbling Xmas 2004
Today, well today is different. The last couple of weeks have found me in a lot of pain, and my balance has been off causing a lot of falls. I don’t like being this transparent about my cancer and I don’t want my boys to see me like this, but they sensed something because they kept asking if I was okay.
San Diego At Christmas
Whatever and whenever happen I just want to be supported by people where common love is the theme.
Mele Kalikima a me Makihiki Mou
As I slide, not always gracefully, into the 8th month of my Terminal Liver Cancer Diagnosis its clear to me that I have more to say about how I finish this part of my journey than I originally thought.
One of the comments I got from one of my doctors went some thing like this. “Bill, we always look forward to your visits because you have us laughing and we some times forget the severity of why you’re here.”
To me that sounds like a complement. I look forward to my weekly visits. I have gotten friendly with everyone from the parking lot attendant to the highest rated doctors that work each and every day with cancer patients who are near the end of their time here on Earth.It’s sad to see so many people that are so sick that they just sit and stare into space. A lot of them look like they’ve just given up.
I’m too stupid to know what quit means, giving up is just not in my DNA. About 4 weeks ago I woke up with a strange & foreign feeling. It was depression and because it was foreign to me I didn’t know what to do with it. My doctors knew what it was asked me how I felt about seeing a psychologist, I was willing to do anything, so I started seeing one and in a short time I have come to treasure that weekly hour. I contemplated talking about this but if it’s going to keep me alive longer then I’m all for it and I’m not too proud to talk about it.
I just broke up with someone whom I treasured, I just didn’t know it She was my rock at doctor’s visits. Her being a Nurse Practioner I always felt better when she was there. She could de-cipher “Doctor Talk.”She arranged my weekly pills (20 per day) and my boys loved her. I stopped by the house earlier this morning to pick up some stray items and all I could do was stare at this wonderful woman that was put in my life. We’ll stay friends and I guess I’ll need to be happy with that.
I’m getting back on track with my blogging. I realized that to be moving ahead I must stay moving. I didn’t take any naps this past week and thats a big deal.
Thanks to each of you who reached out, it helps keep me stable and centered.
A blog from me wouldn’t be complete without a photo of my sons. Trevor just turned 13 and stands 6 foot tall.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & Mele Kalikimaka