Hey Cancer; I Made to the New Year!!

Happy New Year! I sincerely hope that each of you has a prosperous & happy year. How many of you will be or have already made New Year’s Eve resolutions? How many people actually follow through?

I only have 4 resolutions. The first is to make it back to Sage Summit and the other is to make it to 2015. Are those doable? Sure, why not. It’s not like I’m doing much else and my main goal(s) requires me doing my part to not let this cancer get me into states of depression, sadness and self pity. The 4th resolution is that I continue to building a positive image for my sons.

Moores Cancer Center

My palliative care psychologist suggested that I leave the house every morning, visit with people, continue to get my affairs in order,  I’m also working on a picture album for each of the boys. We’ve had a lot of good memories with more  (I hope) to come. I have over 3,500 photographs to sift through.

My condition? Doctors still say that I’m stable. been experiencing some great days since about two weeks ago when the pain was so bad and I spent most of the day at UCSD while they ran the usual battery of tests.

Cancer has a perverted sense of humor but it’s not funny. I could have 10 brilliant days consecutively, wake up on the 11th in pain and end up UCSD for the next 24-48 hours. I normally don’t tell anyone about it, I’m not sure why I don’t and yet can be so transparent about everything else.

I have made it known that I want to volunteer and do whatever I can to lend a hand with the hospital’s cancer patients. I would like to work with the children. I want to set an example to my sons that you can receive so much just by helping someone who needs it. Children shouldn’t have to deal with terminal diseases and I believe that its our responsibility to take care of them.

I asked my doctors to schedule my appointments between 10:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. and the main reason for that is traffic on the 5, both north and south. I like to get there at least 1 hour before my scheduled appointment so I can grab a cup of coffee and go people watch in the main lobby of the Moores Cancer Center. The parade of cancer patients is endless, some look like they’ve given up, some who still fight cancer when they have the strength. The final profile are patients like me. I try to carry happiness and laughter with me wherever I go but I’m most conscience of how I carry myself when I’m in the Cancer Center. I feel fortunate, that for now I feel good however I am aware that there will be a time that feeling good will be nothing more than a distant memory.

But right now lets all have a Happy New Year & find it in your heart to help support as researchers continue to work on wiping cancer from this earth.  I know that it’s too late for me but I have children whom it may help and your children too.

Haloween 2013

Laughter & Sense of Humor Fight Cancer

As I slide, not always gracefully, into the 8th month of my Terminal Liver Cancer Diagnosis its clear to me that I have more to say about how I finish this part of my journey than I originally thought.

One of the comments I got from one of my doctors went some thing like this. “Bill, we always look forward to your visits because you have us laughing and we some times forget the severity of why you’re here.”

To me that sounds like a complement. I look forward to my weekly visits. I have gotten friendly with everyone from the parking lot attendant to the highest rated doctors that work each and every day with cancer patients who are near the end of their time here on Earth.It’s sad to see so many people that are so sick that they just sit and stare into space. A lot of them look like they’ve just given up.

I’m too stupid to know what quit means, giving up is just not in my DNA. About 4 weeks ago I woke up with a strange & foreign feeling. It was depression and because it was foreign to me I didn’t know what to do with it. My doctors knew what it was asked me how I felt about seeing a psychologist, I was willing to do anything, so I started seeing one and in a short time I have come to treasure that weekly hour. I contemplated talking about this but if it’s going to keep me alive longer then I’m all for it and I’m not too proud to talk about it.

I just broke up with someone whom I treasured, I just didn’t know it She was my rock at doctor’s visits. Her being a Nurse Practioner I always felt better when she was there. She could de-cipher “Doctor Talk.”She arranged my weekly pills (20 per day) and my boys loved her. I stopped by the house earlier this morning to pick up some stray items and all I could do was stare at this wonderful woman that was put in my life. We’ll stay friends and I guess I’ll need to be happy with that.

I’m getting back on track with my blogging. I realized that to be moving ahead I must stay moving. I didn’t take any naps this past week and thats a big deal.

Thanks to each of you who reached out, it helps keep me stable and centered.

A blog from me wouldn’t be complete without a photo of my sons. Trevor just turned 13 and stands 6 foot tall.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & Mele Kalikimaka

Bill Kizer
williamkizer52@gmail.com
760.518.2493

Never Ask a Cancer Patient This……….

I’ve heard strange questions or statements from people about being diagnosed with cancer. The following statement takes the “Heres Your Sign” Award for September. Let me know if you heard something better.

I ran into a friend at the grocery store a couple of weeks ago who I’ve haven’t seen in a couple of years. He said that he had heard that I had terminal cancer, I confirmed the rumor to which he replied “So when are you going to die?”

I think that this question falls under the heading of ignorant. I’m still stable & kicking.

Remember that no matter how bad your life may seem at the       time there is always someone else who’s life is worse and your life will get better

the doctors continue to tell me that I’m stable

.

Bill

How To Tell Your Sons You Have Cancer

Help Find A Cure For Liver Cancer

First, my doctors and I both believe that telling your children that you have a terminal disease is important. No matter how difficult or uncomfortable it may be its nothing to how your children would feel when a loved one dies without telling them that they’re even sick.

I was diagnosed with liver cancer on 4/15 of this year. A procedure called T.A.B.E. was unsuccessful so I was scheduled to meet the Palliative Care team. Prior to cancer I had never heard the term “Palliative” nor had I ever used it in a conversation. I should have had a clue because of its locale in The Moore’s Cancer Center at the Thornton Campus in La Jolla.

In just a few minutes my life changed and reality came crashing down around me. The head physician told me that my cancer was going end my life in about a year or any period before a year or sometime after a year. Really, that was the time frame that he gave me. I don’t pay any attention to the time frame as it’s just an estimate based on historical data. The one factor missing in their equation is me, the patient & it doesn’t show how much I want to live.

Needless to say I was shocked which quickly turned to anger. I was now standing in the corner of the room trying to estimate how many steps it was to him and whether to hit him with a front kick, side kick or just smack the smile off his face.

After a lot of thinking I realized that he was doing his job & I’m sure that he doesn’t take any pleasure from it. He & I have become a working team & I actually like him & respect the work that he does for those in the same position as myself. All it took was two words from me; “I’m sorry.”

My first concern was how do I tell my sons. My ideas ran the gamut from absurd to grandiose. Fortunately the Palliative team includes a clinical social work who worked with me on everything from timing to delivery.

The day arrived and I looked at Marti and she gave me the signal that meant this was as good a time as any. I asked if I could talk to them. I kept it short and simple and after telling them that I had cancer I asked if they had any questions.

Trevor (age almost 13): Asked if we could produce a Cancer Television Commercial
Trent (just turned 11):   Asked if was contagious

They had no more questions & they quickly went back to building Lego pieces. Per the social workers suggestion I had kept it simple & I kept my emotions in check.

I had a different version in my head, one that included uncontrollable sobbing, which goes to show I don’t have a clue about some things. So, the once dreaded responsibility wasn’t so difficult after all and is now behind me.

NOTE: Recently I had an MRI & biopsy & my cancer is stable which means it hasn’t gotten better but it hasn’t hasn’t gotten any worse. Some days thats all you’re going to get and you just have to be happy with that.

My thanks to the entire palliative team at UCSD.

Tweet This…….

Now that Sage Summit has come and gone, blogs have been written, speeches given, hundreds of Tweets sent and received, keynotes given, sessions attended, planes caught, some not; some were delayed due to weather and were bumpy, others were as smooth as a baby’s bottom.

Going back to the Twitter subject, one day during Summit I received 1,100+ Tweets, isn’t that a bit much? I say yes, how much noise is the human brain able to assimilate? I can’t speak for yours but everything going on around me at Summit the last thing I need Is 1,100 Tweets. I’m not sure of the exact number that I’m no longer assimilating but rather I’m just deleting groups of 10 – 20 Tweets but I do know what the number isn’t and that’s 1,100

Summit was my first experience with social media when I wanted to grind my Galaxy Note 2 into small pieces, get a home phone without an answering machine, no pager. If I answered the phone it meant I was home, if not I wasn’t there, you’d have to call back.

This doesn’t mean that I dislike Twitter; it just means that I don’t need 1,100 Tweets per day so slow your Twitter roll and if you tweeted during Summit and I didn’t get back now you know why.

Take Care

How did you catch cancer?

Help Find A Cure For Liver Cancer

This list contains some of the questions that I’ve heard from a lot of well-meaning people. It’s not meant to be mean or malicious, just an observation.

Are you dying?
How did you catch cancer?
Is it contagious?
How long do you have to live?
What stage is it in?
Where is the cancer located? (Body part)
You’re only given what you can handle.
All you need to do is think positive
Half the battle is the mindset. Be determined to beat cancer and you will
I know how you feel (unless you’ve had cancer, you don’t know)
By the way I’m feeling fine; I get fatigued easily but that’s a combination of the cancer and all
the medication I have to take daily.

I think that the best thing someone  can say to a cancer patient is “How’s your health” “How are you feeling today?”

Don’t stop asking as it’s appreciated and gives me more reason to fight this bout with cancer